- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
- There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.
- What I need is a strong drink and a peer group.
- This must be Thursday. I never got the hang of Thursdays.
- A liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
- Life. Don’t talk to me about Life.
- Here's another one of those self-satisfied doors.
- The first ten million years were the worst ...
- Share And Enjoy.
- I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
- The Total Perspective Vortex.
- I come in peace ... take me to your Lizard.
- So long, and thanks for all the fish.
PEOPLE OF EARTH - YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. It has come to my attention that there are plans for a "2013 United Kingdom Tour" of "A Hilarious Romp by Douglas Adams" entitled "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Radio Show - Live" by a group of "Actors" and "Musicians"* who claim to be "members of the Original Cast and Hitchhiker's Team". Other claims include "More Fun Than You Can Shake A Haguennon Battle Lance At", "So Good They're Doing It All Again - But Better" and "Kids Love It".
I am writing here to instruct you to IGNORE this nonsense and carry on with your everyday humdrum meaningless lives without the slightest chance of having "The Best Fun You Can Have Unless You Are Visiting Eroticon VI" like the rest of us. Be assured that the nostrils of a Fuorlornis Fire dragon will ice up before we allow any more of this nonsense to spread throughout the Galaxy - even if it's only touring the little green island to the south-west of that country with the "admirable baroque coastline" on planet Earth. Which is due for demolition anyway.
The only Tour you need to concern yourselves is MY tour which involves Quite a Lot Of Shouting and Particle Cannon and Planetary Destruction.
This message will stop here as I have exhausted this month's "quote marks" quota. Now get back to work.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
* excludes drummers